My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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