did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
