I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
