should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
