maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize