I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
