Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His hands were made for my vagina.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
