Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
