There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
