3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
