I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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