Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
