I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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