Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize