did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
