Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
