Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
