We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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