You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am available for nakedness
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
