Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
