I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
