They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
