On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
