I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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