Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i drank out of a bidet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
