you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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