wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
