I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
