i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
