Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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