Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
