Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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