im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
