Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
