She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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