Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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