They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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