They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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