i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
