Soap is not a condiment
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
