I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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