We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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