well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She announced her abortion via fbk
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
