i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
