No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize