so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
