I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
