So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
