Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize