bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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