are you still at the devil's house?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
