walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
