It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
