I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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