She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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