Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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