I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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