No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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