its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
