he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
