if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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