At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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