needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
