So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
