My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
