Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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