I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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