i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
