I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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