I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
