This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
