Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
