My friends, they love my intelligence
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
