Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
