my phone needs a breathalizer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
