I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
