I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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