oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
