Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
