My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
