Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
