It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
