there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
