it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
