I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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