my mouth tastes like poor choices
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
