jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
