I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She's just so happy...and so naked.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
