Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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