I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
