I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
