Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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