You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
