i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
