He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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