Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
