yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
