I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
